The Daily Twerp
I have THREE Daily Twerps to post today. I know, right? I went out on my bike this weekend and so I have a couple lined up for you.
The absolute fuckstick of a man that intentionally ran out in front of me by Shepherd’s Bush Green. I know it was intentional because I saw him look, jump out whilst laughing, and then run off, still laughing. I was not laughing. Shepherds Bush Green is a busy place, full of buses, cars, trucks etc and I don’t want to be lying on the ground by the bottom end of Wood Lane. I went straight into him and went down HARD. My bike was fine, although I had to readjust my handlebars so they were pointing in the right direction, and put my saddle back in the right place. I was shaken up, a bit bruised and grazed, but otherwise fine. I can only hope that he later realised that his legs were fucked up. Enjoy that tyre burn, a-hole. You deserve it.
This one happened this morning, as I was pulling away from the junction at the bottom of Emlyn Road. I sit there every morning, patiently waiting for the lights to change so I can carry on down to Chiswick High Road. Some people are not so patient, and are therefore Class A Twats. Today’s impatient person was a woman on her quaint little bike, hair up in a nice loose bun, and listening to her iPod (I know I shouldn’t judge the quality of cyclist by the bike they ride and what they wear whilst doing it, but you can’t do illegal shit just because you look nice). No helmet and no fucking attention span. Luckily, I caught this one on tape.
Well, I’ve saved the best for last. The next twerp is me. New shoes, new pedals, and me forgetting that I should probably unclip before I brake. Enjoy.